In the Kingdom of Aissur lived King Vladimir and his faithful knights. His most faithful was Sir Donald. Under Sir Donald’s command were Sir Jeffery, Sir John, Sir Rex, Sir Benjamin, and Sir Steven, his treasurer. They had all pledged their loyalty to the king and were rewarded for their efforts.
King Vladimir was not happy with his measly little kingdom and wanted to take over the Kingdom of Adanac, ruled by King Justin. The day had come when he would send his faithful knights to capture Adanac in the name of King Vladimir. He would send them out at nightfall but first they would celebrate his certain victory.
The king had his cooks prepare a feast of cheeseburgers, French fries and chocolate shakes. When they had their fill, he sent for his personal servant, Sir Michael. “Go to the tower room and fetch me a dozen fair maidens. Our bellies are full, and we need some female company,” said King Vladimir. He then told Sir Michael, “Don’t forget to have them sign those non-disclosure forms before you bring them here.”
After an afternoon of merriment and private lap dances, King Vladimir made a toast to his faithful knights. “Sir Donald will lead you tonight into battle and tomorrow the Kingdom of Adanac will be mine. Godspeed.” The knights mounted their horses and fell in line after Sir Donald. Within a couple of hours, they were on the outskirts of King Justin’s castle. Sir Donald huddled with his faithful knights and said, “I want you to stay hidden in these woods until I return. Only I know how to conquer Adanac.” He stripped down his armor, pulled his hood over his head and walked toward the castle.
The night watchman yelled out, “Who goes there?” Sir Donald answered, “They call me DD. I have a message from King Vladimir to King Justin.” The night watchman said, “What is it? Tell it to me and I shall deliver this message.” Sir Donald replied, “Only I, and I alone, can deliver this message, believe me.” “Stay right here,” said the night watchman. “What did you say your name was?” Sir Donald replied, ‘They call me DD.”
After a short time, the watchman returned to lead Sir Donald into the castle. He brought him into the king’s library and informed him that the king would join him soon. The room was large, with many shelves filled with books. On one wall was a large stone fireplace. There were four golden chairs around a large table in the middle of the room.
King Justin entered the room. “Remove your hood!” he said firmly. Sir Donald peeled back the hood. “Wow, is that your real hair?” he asked his visitor while letting out a belly laugh. Trying to distract him, Sir Donald said, “That’s a lot of books you have there.” “Aye, it is” he replied. “Do you read much?” “No, not really,” answered Sir Donald.
“So, what message have you brought me from your King Vladimir?” asked King Justin. Sir Donald told him that King Vladimir would like to take over the Kingdom of Adanac. “I’m not much of a fighter, but I’m a hell of a negotiator,” Sir Donald told him. “Let’s see what kind of deal we can come up with,” he continued.
Once again, King Justin let out a belly laugh and said, “You’re joking, right?” Sir Donald replied, “Believe me, we can try to come up with a deal, or my faithful knights who are hiding in the woods will come and conquer your kingdom.”
“OK, just sit here while I go get my treasurer,” King Justin told him as he left the room. Outside the room, the king found his knights and told them of this crazy guy, DD, and the knights hiding in the woods. He told them to go out, sneak up on them from behind, capture them and bring them to him.
King Justin returned to the library with his treasurer. “Now DD, what could you possibly have to offer me?” Sir Donald told him that he could give him a parcel of land with a grand inn on it in a warmer climate: a place where the king could relax by the water, play lawn games and eat the best chocolate cake he’d ever tasted. “I’m prepared to sign this over to you right now,” Sir Donald said. After some pacing and some thinking, the deal was done.
As the treasurer left the room, King Justin’s knights entered with the knights who had been left to hide in the woods, their hands tied behind their backs and the armor stripped from their bodies. The king told his knights to take them all, and Sir Donald too, to the dungeon and lock them up.
King Vladimir never found out what happened to his faithful Knights of the Square Table, but he did give up on his quest to take over the Kingdom of Adanac. Until his death, 40 years later, King Justin spent his winters in a warmer climate. Each winter he traveled with the demoted knights to his grand inn, which he called Ogalaram, where they would work for him.
