UMPI’s Very Own Secret Society

     Annabelle’s great grandpappy was one out of three creators of IBIS. Mr. Cranberry and his two childhood friends, Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Pear, created IBIS with the sole intention of staying in the shadows while having control over the college. This is why they donated $3 million to the creation of the school. This was light pocket change to the very wealthy trio. For the people who knew them personally, they were referred to as the smoothie brothers. Before and after the creation of IBIS, the trio invented the smoothie. This gave them all the capital they would need for their new Secret Society.

     Why would three grown men named after various fruits need to create a secret society? What would they want to keep so secret that even after decades, no one has heard of them? Well, I have the answer for you: the fall of the junk food empire. Yes, the three men who invented the smoothie, which solely profits from people eating healthy, wish to destroy the junk food trade. Yet another question arises: How would destroying the junk food economy and being the Secret Society of a college work? Since most of the diet of the average college student consists of junk food, wouldn’t that be the place to start? Take down the junk food hierarchy starting with the most impressionable minds in the world: college students.

     You’re probably thinking, Camryn, if this huge Secret Society was created solely on the destruction of the junk food economy, why hasn’t it happened yet after decades? Look no further than your college cafeteria. Yes, all the way back to 1895 when the smoothie brothers created the Secret Society IBIS, they put in motion the master plan of replacing all the junk food in the college with healthier options for the growing minds of our country. There may be ice cream and desserts for you to choose from, but there’s also a fully stocked salad bar and many vegan options. From gluten-free pasta to fresh-cut cucumber, our very own food court is the product of a very powerful Secret Society.

     “ I enjoy the salad bar at the cafeteria! I always had a sneaking suspicion that there were some higher forces at work when I enjoy a good Caesar salad from the food court at UMPI,” freshman Tina Grapefruit commented. 

     When the phrase “Secret Society” comes to mind, usually people think of the CIA or some mysterious band of ninjas or assassins. But in all actuality, a secret society could be something as simple as men named after fruits trying to abolish all junk food from the world. You can never judge a book by its cover. And you can never judge a Secret Society just because it’s a Secret Society.