Winter Storms Spark Massive Protest

     Late winter snowstorms are hammering much of the country. Now, protesters are gearing up their signs to take to the streets of a small Pennsylvania town. As one storm ends, more are due in the coming weeks.  People are outraged with Punxsutawney Phil.  One student said, “It just isn’t fair.  Why do we have to pay because he is lazy?” 

     On Feb. 2, Phil made his annual visit outside his hole.  Given the nature of the weather, Phil decided to resume his nap. Now schools of people are staging walkouts to protest his decision.  Phil said that although he was sorry, it was his final decision and refused to change it. “The people have to know that they can’t always have it their way. Sometimes you just have to deal with it,” he said.

     Among the protestors was a well-known holiday icon, the Easter Bunny.  When asked why he was taking part he said, “It’s bad enough I will be the brunt of several pranks on my one work day. Now, I have to hop through three feet of snow too?”

     Easter Sunday falls on April 1 this year.  Easter hasn’t been shared with April Fool’s Day since 1956.  The Bunny said, “I’m going to hide only white eggs around Phil’s house. He will have fun finding those.” According to the local police, his actions could be considered hazing and charges could be filed

     Some signs read, “Lazy Hog, Do Your Job” and “Are you a Groundhog or Mouse?”  Phil said he was very offended by their words. He said, “My narcolepsy has never interfered with my work and species bias is just mean.”  He is considering a lawsuit for slander, discrimination and animal abuse if it continues.

     These protests also come amid the rumors of a conspiracy between Phil and Jack Frost.  Some say that may have something to do with Phil’s decision.  Jack Frost is currently in Russia and was unavailable to comment.

     Several angry letters were sent to Mother Nature. As a result, the Committee of Holiday Icons called a press conference to address the growing tension.  “It is not up to me,” Mother Nature said. “It is not in my power to overturn the decision that Phil has made.  We are asking that you be patient.”  The Leprechaun, Santa Claus and Father Time were all present for the press conference.

     Mother Nature said that though she understood the protest, it was the Laws of Nature and that he was completely within his rights to refuse to allow an early spring. Despite the inconvenience, it is not a crime. The other members of the committee refused comment.

The National Guard is currently set up around Phil’s hole.  They will remain there until April 2.