{"id":6908,"date":"2021-12-15T09:48:17","date_gmt":"2021-12-15T14:48:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/?p=6908"},"modified":"2025-07-09T12:28:17","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T16:28:17","slug":"raising-an-emotionally-sane-child-in-a-world-full-of-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/2021\/12\/15\/raising-an-emotionally-sane-child-in-a-world-full-of-pain\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising an Emotionally Sane Child in a World Full of Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI got spanked my whole life and turned out fine.\u201d How many times have you heard (or maybe said) that? It seems like an easy solution–children misbehave, good parents smack their bottoms, they stop. They learn they shouldn\u2019t do that. Simple, right?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Not exactly. It seems more and more parents are refusing to correct their children, and that can be hard to watch. But are they wrong? Why does seeing a child cry or scream upset people so much?<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Little girl holding little heart in her hands offering,sharing it with her friend.<\/p><\/div>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPeople whose parents used to hit them can feel distressed in that situation. It is hard for them to see a child throwing a tantrum,\u201d child psychologist Anneliese Wildermann said. \u201cThey feel a strong impulse to yell or hit the child. They don\u2019t understand that’s a normal part of a child’s development and find it unbearable to see someone cry or scream. If the parent doesn’t punish the child in public, they can feel resentful,\u201d she said. Unfortunately, this kind of reaction is a typical sign of trauma. \u201cThey need to convince themselves that the treatment they received as children was good for them. Otherwise, that would mean their parents hurt them for nothing,\u201d Wildermann said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0While plenty of people say they \u201cturned out fine,\u201d many struggle with issues such as depression, sleep disorders and alcohol or drug abuse. It is not uncommon for childhood trauma to also cause trust issues, panic attacks, social anxiety or <\/span>other underlying conditions<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Of course, parents from older generations had less access to quality information. Most didn’t know the first thing about psychology or child development. Studies in the area were not as accessible as today, but there are adults who will still choose to close their eyes to the evidence around them. They feel safer repeating the mistakes of past generations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Just like hitting a computer won\u2019t get it to work faster, it is important to understand how a child works. As it turns out, many of the \u201cbad\u201d behaviors of a child are a positive sign. They show that their brain is developing properly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u201cWhen children are 2 or 3 years old, they may start defying their parents and refusing to do simple things. This happens because they realize that <\/span>they are individuals that can make choices<\/span><\/a>,\u201d pediatrician Thelma de Oliveira said. \u201cA well-informed parent can encourage the child to make small choices throughout the day.\u00a0 Insisting on showing the kid who is boss will only damage the child’s self-esteem and their bond with that parent,\u201d Oliveira said.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Oliveira is passionate about children and helping parents have the support they need to do their very best. She believes that parents usually mean well. They need guidance, not harsh criticism. Many times, their inner child is also hurt.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Another common concern parents have is when children tell \u201clies.\u201d \u201cWhen children start telling fibs, parents can get worried or upset. They need to know that\u2019s just a consequence of their children’s social development. It means they are now able to realize what people would like to hear–a vital social skill. While kids shouldn’t be encouraged to lie, parents should gently <\/span>nudge them in the right direction<\/span><\/a> instead of acting disappointed. Young kids still don\u2019t understand the effects of saying something that isn\u2019t true,\u201d Oliveira said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0What about tantrums? How should parents act when their children are making a scene at the supermarket? \u201cTemper tantrums are simply a sign that the child \u2018lost it.\u2019 I’m sure everyone feels like \u2018losing it\u2019 sometimes. Small kids are not developed enough to worry about what others are going to think. We don\u2019t need to give children everything they want. We just need to empathize with them and guide them back,\u201d she said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Oliveira\u2019s advice is backed up by consistent scientific evidence. It is also a consensus among modern specialists, such as Harvey Karp. He is the famous author of <\/span>\u201cThe Happiest Toddler on the Block.\u201d<\/span><\/a> According to him, it is our role to rescue children from their emotions, instead of shaming them for expressing them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0With more and more people choosing to be childfree, does that mean they don\u2019t have a role in all this? According to Wildermann, they most certainly do! Not having children is a personal choice and thinking about the future of the planet is a noble cause. <\/span>Nobody should feel excused from being kind to a child<\/span><\/a>, however.\u00a0 \u201cTreating children badly will not discourage parents from having them. If we really care about the future, we should be kind to those that will be here after we are gone. We should make sure they grow up to care,\u201d Wildermann said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It seems we have a lot to learn if we want the next generations to be emotionally healthier than we are. \u201cWe can be grateful for everything our parents did and still strive to do better,\u201d Wildermann said. \u201cMaybe you are a functional adult, with a job, a social life and a sense of purpose. That’s because of the things your parents did right. Not thanks to the things they did wrong. Focus on the good, change the bad,\u201d she said. At the end of the day, we can all be to a child the person we needed in our lives when we were younger.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI got spanked my whole life and turned out fine.\u201d How many times have you heard (or maybe said) that? It seems like an easy solution–children misbehave, good parents smack their bottoms, they stop. They learn they shouldn\u2019t do that. Simple, right?\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Not exactly. It seems more and more parents are refusing to correct their […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":104,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7381],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6908","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-archives","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6908","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/104"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6908"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6908\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8219,"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6908\/revisions\/8219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6908"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6908"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.umpi.edu\/utimes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6908"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}