Magazines in Magazines

Child practicing holding a weapon.

The Russian educational system is considering a new law that would put “Avtomat Kalashnikova 47s” (known as AK-47s) into the hands of all school-aged children. The Russian parliament, known as the Duma, is likely to pass the law, which will come into effect on Jan. 1, 2020.

“We see the situation happening in America and other places in the world.  We want to be proactive” Gleb Yemelin, deputy to the State Duma, said. Continue reading “Magazines in Magazines”

Going to Mars

NASA recently announced that it is ready to launch a mission to Mars.

According to an article in the “National Conspirator,” NASA’s director of public information, Doug Blastoff, stated the space agency was hoping to launch the mission quietly and then alert the public after the astronauts reached space.  When asked why, he just replied, “Wouldn’t  you?”

The planned mission would be launched on board the new Galaxy Class Space Shuttle Enterprise.  Mr. Blastoff felt this new class of space shuttle will “boldly take this mission where no man has gone before.” Continue reading “Going to Mars”

The Cold Hard ‘Truth’

Are Yetis in Aroostook County?

This winter has been one for records in northern Maine. This winter not only stands out because of its snowfall, it stands out because of a record high amount of yeti sightings. Here in the County there are an average of six or seven yeti sightings every winter. This winter the number of encounters sky rocketed to a whopping 62 sightings. Now that winter is winding down, the number of sightings is dwindling, but excitement is still high. Continue reading “The Cold Hard ‘Truth’”

No More Snow in Northern Maine

You could have lived in Presque Isle, Maine, for the rest of your life without snow. Some people may be happy to hear that, others not. That is exactly what the city council thought on March 5, when they voted against a liquified melting product called “Melt-Tha-Sno.” The product would have been released into stores in Presque Isle. It is made from concentrated plasma. That plasma is provided by a meteor that crashed into the Loring Air Force Base in the 1960s. It can make snow instantly vanish. Continue reading “No More Snow in Northern Maine”

Chicken Flu Causes Nationwide Panic Among Farmers

Infected chicken

A national health organization reported 50 new cases of a recently discovered influenza strain in the last few days.

The Centers for Disease Control Prevention announced that the influenza strain is known as H19N12, though many people are referring to it as the “chicken flu.”

“This is not to be mistaken for the bird flu,” Mary Gibbons, CDC communication director, said. “It is only carried by chickens.  No other birds or poultry can pass it on or carry it themselves. It’s a completely separate thing.” Continue reading “Chicken Flu Causes Nationwide Panic Among Farmers”

Spring Cleaning at Gentile Hall!

Spring is such a great time of the year for mud and water!!  We sure have a lot of it with all the snow melting.  Here at Gentile we have decided to stop cleaning the facility until mud season is over.  So we welcome all to come on in and wear their muddy, wet shoes in the facility for the next month.  We feel that this will be great for all the cardio equipment and people walking barefoot in the locker rooms.  The more sand and dirt you bring into the pool area will make it feel like we are at the beach, which will really help with the winter blues. Continue reading “Spring Cleaning at Gentile Hall!”

Cupid Is on the Move in the County

A young couple hug each other somewhere in Aroostook County

Although Valentine’s Day has gone past, Cupid is on the move in Aroostook County.

This season’s finale of the reality TV show, “The Bachelor,” may have just wrapped its  previous season, but the producers are on the lookout for a new cast for next season. More specifically, a new bachelor or bachelorette. Continue reading “Cupid Is on the Move in the County”


The Beautiful Bride

     Shotgun wedding was given a whole new meaning as proud ammosexual Theodore Clemmens said his vows to “Ethel,” his beloved Mossberg Pump-Action shotgun. Clemmens then carried his spouse out of the church, in what could only be called a truly memorable moment. The blue Ford pick-up, Confederate war flag hanging proudly in the back, kicked up dust as cans clinked down the old dirt road.  “Just Married” was written in the back window. Continue reading “Gunwives”

Haunted Campus

St John’s School.

     It’s most likely only a few of our current UMPI students know about our haunted campus.  Where the University of Presque Isle now stands was once known as St. John’s Episcopal Secondary School for Boys.  It was established in 1884 and consisted of three buildings: the chapel, gymnasium and drill hall.  It was created for preparation for college or scientific school or to study any profession or business life.  When it opened its doors, it had about 80 students and closed in 1896. Continue reading “Haunted Campus”

Showing Winter Who’s Boss

     This winter has definitely taken a toll on people in Maine. With the seemingly never-ending snowstorms and overall bad weather, many Mainers are wondering when Old Man Winter will finally figure out that he’s not welcome anymore. In fact, the snow has piled up so much that removal crews everywhere are struggling to find a place to put it all. This has been making parking situations in some parking lots a challenge. And while there may not be much anyone can do about the unfortunate weather, some people on UMPI’s campus are taking a stand and protesting the lack of parking spaces. Continue reading “Showing Winter Who’s Boss”