Gunwives

The Beautiful Bride

     Shotgun wedding was given a whole new meaning as proud ammosexual Theodore Clemmens said his vows to “Ethel,” his beloved Mossberg Pump-Action shotgun. Clemmens then carried his spouse out of the church, in what could only be called a truly memorable moment. The blue Ford pick-up, Confederate war flag hanging proudly in the back, kicked up dust as cans clinked down the old dirt road.  “Just Married” was written in the back window. Continue reading “Gunwives”

Haunted Campus

St John’s School.

     It’s most likely only a few of our current UMPI students know about our haunted campus.  Where the University of Presque Isle now stands was once known as St. John’s Episcopal Secondary School for Boys.  It was established in 1884 and consisted of three buildings: the chapel, gymnasium and drill hall.  It was created for preparation for college or scientific school or to study any profession or business life.  When it opened its doors, it had about 80 students and closed in 1896. Continue reading “Haunted Campus”

Showing Winter Who’s Boss

     This winter has definitely taken a toll on people in Maine. With the seemingly never-ending snowstorms and overall bad weather, many Mainers are wondering when Old Man Winter will finally figure out that he’s not welcome anymore. In fact, the snow has piled up so much that removal crews everywhere are struggling to find a place to put it all. This has been making parking situations in some parking lots a challenge. And while there may not be much anyone can do about the unfortunate weather, some people on UMPI’s campus are taking a stand and protesting the lack of parking spaces. Continue reading “Showing Winter Who’s Boss”

Elon Musk’s Tesla Picks Up Hitchhiker

     On Feb. 6, 2018, at 3:45 p.m., the Falcon Heavy Rocket launched from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida.  During this launch, the first ever for the Falcon Heavy, Elon Musk sent his 2008 Tesla Roadster into space as a test payload.  Images of the cherry red, electric-powered sports car were soon seen all over the world–and apparently elsewhere. Continue reading “Elon Musk’s Tesla Picks Up Hitchhiker”

Abominable Snowman Sighted on Campus

     UMPI sits on the edge of Presque Isle.  Most students are familiar with the bike paths and narrow trails through the woods behind campus.  If you wander through UMPI’s wooded backyard you will likely come across other students and at least a couple of the large gray-tailed squirrels that call UMPI home.  During one such walk in the first week of March, two freshmen claimed to have encountered something much hairier and smellier than any student or squirrel previously seen on campus.  Continue reading “Abominable Snowman Sighted on Campus”

Winter Storms Spark Massive Protest

     Late winter snowstorms are hammering much of the country. Now, protesters are gearing up their signs to take to the streets of a small Pennsylvania town. As one storm ends, more are due in the coming weeks.  People are outraged with Punxsutawney Phil.  One student said, “It just isn’t fair.  Why do we have to pay because he is lazy?”  Continue reading “Winter Storms Spark Massive Protest”

Killer on the Loose

     “I don’t know who is doing this, but whoever it is, they’re going to pay,” Angela Cote said. What she is referring to are the dead animals that keep showing up all over her yard. Mice, crows, pigeons and even squirrels have been found.

     “I have my suspicions about the neighbor across the street. I haven’t caught him in the act yet though, so I can’t be sure,” Angela’s husband Jacob said. “It’s scaring my youngest daughter and I’m honestly just sick of having to be the one to pick them up and take care of them,” he said Continue reading “Killer on the Loose”

News School Car Is Coming

     Good News!  UMPI bought a new school minivan. Time is too precious to waste. Time can decide the death and life of cancer patients.  Also, time is money for people in business. A few minutes will make people in business lose money, and a few minutes will make people miss an airplane. What UMPI did for time management is to provide a high performance and energy-efficient school car. The car can deliver students or staff members to any place they want to go faster, safer and more comfortably than a standard vehicle. Maybe an old vehicle carries students to the airport in 15 minutes. Now the new car only needs half that time! Continue reading “News School Car Is Coming”

New Diet Trends End Up With Rainbow Citizens.

     There is a new diet trend hitting the city of Presque Isle. The trend has people eating foods and drinks of only one color (excluding white, clear, black or brown). This diet is to use the color of the food they chose to remove the weight from the practitioner’s body. The diet allows the person to drink milk, water, coffee and have different forms of chocolate. People are eating carrots and oranges and drinking a blended mixture of orange ice cream, orange juice and carrots. While they lose weight, they end up looking more and more like The Thing™ from Marvel© comics. Continue reading “New Diet Trends End Up With Rainbow Citizens.”